Throughout my single years, I wondered about how I can tell that someone would be the right man for me to become my husband. The people I asked had different answers, answers providing different traits to look for in a man such as seeing if the man was a godly man, going to church, respectful to women, honest, etc. Of course, some gave the advice to listen to the Holy Spirit and to pray. All this advice was good. There was one piece of advice that I really liked and I was drawn to. The advice was given to me by a man who I tutored with reading, so he could pass his flooring contractor’s license. He said to think of something that the man I’m dating will do, like a challenge, and then I’ll know that he’s the one if he does it. The man who gave me the advice said that I’ll know what that something is.
I thought that was a good idea to have something that the man you’re dating will do to figure out if he is the right man for you. Do you have an idea what that is you might ask a man to do? The man who gave me this advice didn’t really give me any ideas. Like I said, he just said, “You’ll know what that something is.” I think that this something will be different for different couples. I actually didn’t know what this thing would be for me for a long time.
Now, do you think the man who will become your husband will do the challenge you think of? I think so. I think men like to do things for women, such as carry books for them or open doors for them. However, I do think whatever challenge you have in mind should be a reasonable request. I encourage you to think of some type of challenge. I think inviting a man you are interested in to some type of challenge can help you make a decision if he is “the one” or “the right one” for you. If someone doesn’t want to do what you request before you become married, what evidence do you have that this person will rise to the occasion of a challenge during marriage? How will you know that a man will show love for you during marriage in the way you’d like if that man hasn’t shown love for you in the way you’d like before marriage? You really want to be confident in your choice. You really want to trust your choice of a husband.
So, what challenge did I present for the man that I thought might be my husband? My challenge was to create a marriage covenant of how our marriage would be. I didn’t say, “Oh, I have this challenge for you.” I did say that I wanted to talk about how things would be in our marriage. We talked about how our marriage would be in terms of different aspects, such as children, where we would spend holidays since our families of origin were in different parts of the U.S., how we’d practice our Catholic faith, how our prayer life would be, how our communication would be, and we discussed what we believed the roles of husband and wife are. Then, I wrote a one and a half page outline of our covenant based on our discussions.
It is a blessing to have a marriage covenant blueprint. I’m glad we talked that we would adopt if we would not be able to have children. I liked how we agreed before we got married that we would go to at least one marriage retreat every 5 years. I liked how we agreed to praise in public and correct in private.
I know how many people say that marriage is hard work. I actually love being married and I don’t really find it so much hard work. I think it’s because my husband and I talked about the major things that mattered to us before we were married and we agreed on them before we became married. It is really important to talk about how your marriage will be so that you both know beforehand and it won’t cause so much conflict later on. My husband and I get along very well. We believe in marriage and are committed to each other and each other’s well being.
I encourage to think of some questions that you would like to discuss with your future husband. Maybe, you and your future husband will take on the challenge to discuss major things that matter to you and create a covenant blueprint also.
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